[ GoneOutside: comes out of hiding ]

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Alaskaaaa's avatar
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( hello friends
idk i could make some long heartfelt journal about all this but my emotions are literally all over the place rn and i dunno how i feel
someone who i'll honestly say i looked up to and thought of as a friend ended up not being real
i know everyone else is pissed off about this but honestly i don't think i'm that mad. i want an apology for it but otherwise i just? after a while i stopped feeling anything about all the colin/katie drama, it feels like theres a huge void where all of the feelings used to be
and like, idk how to get over this, i just feel very hollow and empty about it, and i think a big part of why i just dont have the energy to draw as much is bc of all of this happening. after colin cut things off with me the first time i went into even worse of a depression than i already was in, and when he apologised to me months later it didn't seem to fix anything. i haven't even gotten an apology for him not being real yet
and, idk... i'm sorry this journal is sad
when i found out colin wasn't real yesterday part of me honestly felt relieved, literally as if an entire chapter of my life was closed finally, but now i just feel kind of sad
despite all the drama, i have so many good memories with this person that didn't even exist, talking to him honestly made me so happy at one point in time because i thought he was cool and his ocs were cool but now its just like, all those memories feel so distant and im having a hard time recognising that all of that happened and wasn't just a dream or something. like im going to admit right here that at one point in time before all the drama happened, i had a crush on colin. i had literal dreams about this person bc he made such a huge impact on me, i got really excited about the prospect of meeting this person irl because i looked up to him so much and i became ridiculously attached to him to the point that for the months we weren't in contact, part of why i was depressed was because i thought he hated me, and then after all of this he just... ended up not being real.
and it kinda just feels like i lost someone today, personally

r.i.p. colin
)

© 2015 - 2024 Alaskaaaa
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hinatahyuuga1133's avatar
just gonna *scoot over and hugs you tightly*)